"We Didn't Have a Choice"

"We didn't have a choice"

I have had various conversations with Black women who have said the above statement sometime throughout our conversation. I'm starting to wonder is if this is the theme for African American women's history, "We didn't have a choice." When it came to aborting our children during slavery, "We didn't have a choice." When it came to piggy-backing off of various movements throughout history because it MIGHT help our political agendas, "We didn't have a choice". When our grandmothers and great-grandmothers worked as domestic workers to support their families because, "We didn't have a choice". Working hard in an oppressed, capitalist society, then having enough energy to get it together for their home, "We didn't have a choice." We are raising our children on our own because, "We didn't have a choice."

Through it all, "We didn't have a choice".

Today, I went out to lunch with my best friend's aunt. Well, I had to bring her a bag and she thanked me by paying for my lunch. Clearly, I did not decline even though I had to drive. I thought I was going to go crazy after hours of endless, pointless conversation. After all, she was doing most of the talking, I was simply listening and eating. As I was dropping her off at home, I mentioned one of the thesis topics I was considering. Though I have a thesis topic in mind, in the course of my reading this summer, I came across an Angela Davis book that shed some light upon the "fine print" behind the craze for birth control. I thought about doing my topic centered around sterilization abuse as well as the reason it became an important topic for Black feminists. Well, after giving me a quick history lesson, she said to me, "Well, we didn't have a choice!" I probed a little further to understand what she meant. She further explained, "Sterilization was part of welfare policy. If you had more than 2 or 3 children and on welfare, you HAD to be sterilized in order to get your check, food stamps, or canned goods." If my memory serves me correctly (which is never a guarantee, but I digress), she said the above phrase at least six times in a matter of fifteen minutes. When I dropped her off, I couldn't help but wonder why we never have a choice. From our past to our present, we never had a choice. Yeah, I forgot most of our conversations, but I did not forget that conversation. A part of me wonders whether I will ever forget it.

I was driving home, listening to my music, and thinking about all the things I had to finish today. Yet I could not get that statement out of my head. It replayed in my conscious over and over again like a broken record. We didn't have a choice. We go through our lives thinking that we have a plethora of choices to make to even get through the day. However, in a larger perspective, as Black women, do we ever REALLY have a choice? Are we kidding ourselves into thinking that liberation is possible since we never had a choice to begin with?

Perhaps that's the basis for our oppression. We didn't have a choice economically, socially, politically, or psychologically. We did not have a choice. Our voice was somehow stolen from us throughout this chaos called "HIStory". Was it because we didn't have a choice? After all, we are not only double-oppressed by race and sex/gender. We are also oppressed by class and economic structure. So, has that caused us to NOT have a choice? After all, what can you possibly do in a society that strikes you at three angles? "We didn't have a choice".

Also, I pondered whether this lack of choice has to do with the main theme of African American history and culture: survival. Black women did not have a choice because it was their only means of survival. You didn't have a choice but to get sterilization because you needed to provide for your family. You didn't have a choice but to have sex with "Massah" because he would kill you or cause harm to your family. You did not have a choice but to raise your children on your own because the father decided not to uphold his fatherly duties. You did not have a choice but to teach your children our history because they are not taught in school. You have no choice but to work menial jobs, with lack of education, in order to support your family. You do not have a choice but to push yourself through school while raising children on your own.

Therefore, it has occured to me that, "We didn't have a choice", is part of the Black woman's song. Yet, I do not believe it encompasses ALL of our history. This phrase suggests a large amount of struggle. While I believe Black women have struggled throughout HIStory, that is NOT the entire song. I'd like to think that we also shared plenty of victories because "we didn't have a choice". Our victories lead us to lead lives in which we laughed, smiled, and danced. While we didn't have a choice, perhaps that's because we were equipped with the means to survive. The blood of our ancestors running through our veins may have caused us to live plentifully, even if we had to scrape and struggle to get to that point.

Perhaps my sistah's are right, we never did have a choice. But, I do not know if that is the entire story. I simply do not know if I can accept that "we did not have a choice." While I realize that it is true in some aspects, I don't want to accept that as our only claim in history. I do know we have a choice now. We have a choice to liberate ourselves past our current situation. We have a choice to see ourselves as Queens and not simply another man's whore. We have a choice to be happy, regardless of what it takes. We have a choice to live life with all of our passion and drive. I believe now we have a choice. Unfortunately, we do not take advantage of that choice. Then that causes us to get to the point where, "We didn't have a choice". Thus, the cycle continues.

"We didn't have a choice" should no longer be our only claim to fame. At times, it is a reality but let that not be our only legacy.