Fear is the diagnosis....complacency is the drug...

We are all afraid of something. Let's just get that out the way. We spend our whole lives fearing something, whether it is a career choice, a business venture, or a relationship. Regardless of what the situation is, we are afraid. We walk in fear throughout our entire lives. In fact, we would rather walk in fear than take a risk. What a shame.

I can't say that I am not guilty of this because I am. We all are. Think about it for a moment. There is something in your life that you want to change, but are paralyzed by fear. There are a lot of factors that we can touch on that explain this fear that we have. It could be a childhood experience or a situation we witnessed in our adult lives. Whatever the reason is, it stifles our growth hindering us from reaching our full potential.

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend of mine. For so many years we have called each other brother and sister. In a sense, we are probably closer to each other than we are with our own families. Anyway, the other day he was explaining a situation he was having with a woman. Then he starts to wonder what is wrong with him. He questions why he can never keep a woman in his life. He explains his struggle with women and their reaction towards him. Usually I can answer his questions and give him adequate enough advice. But for the first time since I have known him, I honestly could not answer his questions. He was asking the same questions I was struggling with. I explained to him that the only thing he could do was continue to be himself. Yet, we both are struggling with this idea of love, relationships, and self identity. We are both frustrated with dealing with the same thing in a different body. I think we are both waiting for something in our lives to change. To break away from the normal routine. We are waiting for something to surprise us.

As the conversation went on, we realized how people that we deal with are so afraid. They are terrified to take risks with us. Obviously we are not your average man and woman. However, we deal with people who are terrified of our uniqueness. While they want to get to know us, they are afraid to take it to that next level. So, we find ourselves with these terrified individuals that we have to let go of constantly because they are walking in a life of fear. Even in the most extreme situations, there is still a need to run back to complacency even if they that we deserve one another.

Everything we do, we do out of fear. Unfortunately, we are a reactive people. Based on our environment, we react. I am starting to understand how that is not necessarily a good thing. As a matter of fact, I'm starting to think that is the worst thing we can do to ourselves because we are only reacting out of fear. So, instead of taking a risk or being proactive, we go to this place called complacency. In this location, we are comfortable. We fall back to what is familiar, even if it is destructive. Before we realize it, our fear draws us to this place of complacency. For example, you are afraid to go back to get your Master's degree even if it will help you advance on your job. Because you are afraid of the unknown, you remain in that same position on your job KNOWING you are destined for something better. So you make up some bullshit excuse such as, "I don't have the money to go back to school." Here's another great example: you met someone. She or he is a wonderful person, you love everything about them. You think they are wife/husband material. But you are afraid of investing time because you have been hurt before. So you make up some junk about, "Well, it's just not the right time," leaving them wondering what happened.

I could go on and on with examples, but it would still have the same diagnosis: FEAR. The problem comes when our drug of choice is complacency. Of course, that drug will be wonderful at first. It will cure the fear in a blink of an eye without any problem. Yet, after a while, the drug does not have the effect it once had. With any drug, you can become easily addicted to it but it has harmful side effects. For example, because you took the drug of complacency, you may never truly be happy, reach your full potential, or truly love someone else. Then you find yourself searching for that next high. Usually that fix comes from a place you have no business being into. You may find yourself taking mistresses or sleeping with various men to feel a touch from someone. Before you know it, you are drinking alcohol more than water. Sooner or later, you find yourself being manipulative on your job to ensure that your job remains secure. Some of us simply shut down, being unable to feel any sort of emotion or drive. That is the worst side effect you could possibly have...

However, we'd rather dwell in that place of complacency, even with the side effects, than actually taking a risk with our lives. I have been told that I remain safe or that I do not take risks. Perhaps they are right. I know I live in complacency from time to time, stifled by fear. I have taken some risks. Some have left me disappointed while others have fulfilled my full potential. I am not saying that we will not go to that place of complacency. But do not dwell there. Recognize that you are taking this drug of complacency. Perhaps then, we can take our soul to rehab and start living.