"Love" isn't Always Enough...

My birthday is in a few weeks. Actually, it's about a month away. Who dreads turning 26? I do. It's not because of the fact that I'm getting old or thinking I need to reach a particular deadline. It's the reality that I cannot live in a fantasy world. No longer am I privy to the 20-somethin' mentality of a land swimming with milk and honey. When you reach 25, you have one realization about who you are ( or what you are not). But once you start marching in your late twenties, you start realizing that roses do not smell as sweet as they once did. (Granted, I haven't received or smelled a rose since my early twenties. But I digress.) I'm always labeled as a "kid", or someone who is "so young". Yet, with the world the way it is, you find yourself growing up a little faster than you anticipated. In fact, you wish you were simply a kid or that young buck that is fresh into life. Your experiences start giving you a very unique perspective that a lot of individuals did not reach until they were much older. Trust me, I wish I could be that little girl again who believed in fairy tale endings. I wish I had that faith I had as a kid. However, I'm a woman marching in my mid-twenties with a goal I do plan to accomplish. So no longer can I solely focus on the small, insignificant matters because I have things to do, places to go, and people to see. (Of course, it's always great to take a break from reality every once in a while.)

One of the many things I'm starting to realize is that love isn't always enough. We had the dreams of the man riding up on his white horse to carry us away to a life of happily ever after. Growing up, we had our dream man (which probably changed to various famous pop stars or actors). I remember playing with my Barbie dolls (yes, don't laugh, I actually played with dolls) and creating this world where the girl doll was living in a house with her husband and kids. Because my family was living off a military salary, I had to get my toys from the kids meals at McDonalds. Nonetheless, my Barbie doll had a family. I realize now that that was a result of my own gender role socialization. But I would create a happy world with my Black Barbie and her Chocolate Ken. Unfortunately, the story I created for my dolls isn't the same reality that actually takes place in our lives. Now we deal with the fact that Black Barbie is trying to form a career all while waiting for her Chocolate Ken. In fact, Black Barbie wants it all. Yet she realizes that that may not be possible because love isn't always enough.

Love ( and even a strong "like") transforms you. It rejuvenates you, even at your lowest point. It's the most amazing feeling to care for someone outside of yourself. Love challenges you to be a better person so that you may COMPLIMENT (not COMPLETE) that other person. It drives you to levels of consciousness you never thought possible in your lifetime. You saw it in the movies, but there's nothing like real, tangible love. It makes you smile during a stormy day. Amazingly enough, you can love someone who is not your "boyfriend/girlfriend" deeper than you did for your former "boyfriend/girlfriend". You know you love someone when no one can even compare to them. It's like you did not REALLY know how to breath before they came along. You thought you were breathing fine, then all the sudden your breathing pattern changes. Love is powerful. It's amazing. It's better than any tangible gift you can ever acquire.

Unfortunately, this is not enough. I really hate to burst your bubble after all of that, but it's the truth. Black Barbie may love everything about Chocolate Ken from the top of his head to the soles of his feet. Circumstances prod their way into this mythical, love bubble. I have realized that my former relationship ended not because of anything that any of us did wrong. (Yeah, I'm even shocked I said that out loud...If you ask me later, I'll deny it.) It was simple: LIFE HAPPENED. I have dated some REMARKABLE guys who could have easily been my Chocolate Ken. Yet, life happened. And somehow that spark that ignited filtered away. It could be simple as career goals, different priorities, long distance, being excluded from someone's life, parental priorities, child priorities, school work, new job, etc. Mine seems to be my career goals. Everything else seems to fall under that main category. With my previous relationship, I think we both knew that we had other priorities. Life was taking me one way and taking him another. Now that I am on this career path, it's going to take a lot of dedication, determination, and prayer. Unfortunately, love is not enough.

Do not get me wrong, love can transform even the darkest situations. But as my mother's child, I also know to "not be stupid" either. For instance, while I would love to be with someone for the rest of my life, I also have to accept the reality that it may never happen given our priorities or goals. He might want to do one venture that may take him one place while I want to accomplish another that may take me a completely different direction. I might want to focus on settling down while he wants to still hang out. I can go to school anywhere, but he may not be ready for someone to make that kind of commitment yet. So, I cannot limit my doctoral search nor can I force him to make a commitment. I do not suggest that you have to be at the same place at the same time. However, I do suggest that we have to be more realistic about our romantic situations. We have to think with our heart AND our mind. While you love this person, do you REALLY see a future with them? Given how you feel about each other, and the physical situation you two are in, could it work out if you wanted it to? Do they have flaws that you could learn to live with? You know, the mess they create, the morning breath, the mother calling every day, etc. Trust me, I visualize the household with 2.5 kids and a dog in the backyard during football Sundays. ( Go Carolina!) But that picture may or may not happen with a particular person. That's the reality of love. That's the part we do not want to discuss because it brings our heads out of the clouds and back to the real issue. While my career goals mean a lot to me, sustaining love within my life would mean just as much to me as any piece of paper. However, I also have to take my mother's advice into consideration by "not being stupid".

I'm not saying you cannot love freely. But also think about life outside the "love bubble". I realize that I have to take myself out of the daydream world and face some realities that I try to hard to ignore. After all, love can create this beautiful love bubble. But life can come in and bust it in a moments notice. I know, I sound like a pessimistic bitch. I am just sharing with you something that has been on my heart. While I do love freely, I also look at the other possibilities. I try not to dwell on them, but there are certain realities to take into consideration. Marriages usually end because people have unrealistic expectations about marriage or a relationship. After all, marriages are the epitome of this realistic love. It's not about a lack of faith or love. It's about looking at the entire picture and making an assessment of your situation based on that. While I want my Chocolate Ken with my McDonalds character kids, I have to realize that love is not always enough. You and the other individual have to make it realistically work. Part of it is being honest with ourselves and the other person. While love is awesome, it's also not always enough. So, with all that being said, a lot of times we have to put it in God’s hands. Love isn’t always enough, but it can be once you put your situation in God’s hands. How simple and beautiful is that?