People have often asked me why they go through the things they go through. I often hear my single friends complain about the disappointments they face in their lives dealing with dating. While I hear what they have to say, I often do not have anything left but the typical cliche responses that I even hate to hear. The reason I respond the way I do is simply because I cannot anwser their questions. I cannot sooth their pain. I cannot say something magical to make everything alright because I often ask myself and God those same questions. They'll ask me "when their day will come", "when will I finally be happy?", or "when will someone love me the way I love them?". I sit and wonder the same question myself. They will share their frustrations with me about, "Why?" and "Why not me?" and all I can do is say, "Trust me, I know what you mean." But I cannot anwser their questions. After all, I am plagued with the same concerns.
It does not make sense when I see wonderful people being mistreated by others. I get hurt hearing my friends go through the hardships when dating is supposed to be fun. People have somehow made something innocent and playful so demeaning and vindictive. It seems as though everyone is looking out for themselves instead of looking deep within themselves to find the truth. I swear, once a day everyone should take a long look in the mirror at themselves. To find out who the fuck they are. And figure out why they hurt the people they care about the way they do. Usually it is because they have been hurt by other people. So they carry that shit with them, hurting another person. Unfortunately, the cycle continues. This horrible, disgusting cycle that we do to each other has got to stop. Because at the end of the day, someone is always hurt. Someone ends up crying themselves to sleep. When they wake up in the morning, they sometimes wonder, "Why?" and "Why not me?"
All I am asking is that we start knowing who we are and what we want out of life. I am so tired of hearing good people getting hurt by people that did not know what they wanted. Too often, I have heard people say, "I just want to know what they want." I usually respond candidly, "Sometimes they do not know what they want for themselves...how can they possibly know what they want from you?" If you fit in this category, I would beg of you to just sit down for a moment. Stay away from the good people who only desire to fall in love. Because what you are doing is destructive and cruel. If you cannot state what your expectations are when you are involved with someone, then you need to leave them alone. If you know you only want to be friends with someone, then do not get involved with someone who wants a committed relationship. If you know that you just want to bang someone or have a good time, then do not chase after someone who is looking for their soulmate. We are hurting each other. Destroying each other's hearts and souls. And then we wonder why we are in our state of digression. We are too busy trying to "find out" what we want through other people instead of investing more time with ourselves. We would rather avoid those uncomfortable moments of truth by falling in a bed of lies and deicet.
We are over here trying to have "soul" searches. But we forget that there is another PERSON involved. It's not just about you and your feelings. You are dealing with another human being, who already has a tattered soul. Why place anymore hurt on them? How much disappointment and hurt can one person endure throughout their life? Everyone keeps telling you that "all these experiences make you a stronger person." I know, because I say it to people all the time. They usually accept this response because of its validity. Yet I ask the question they may want to ask but never do: "When do you stop learning and start loving?" or "Well, how much more do I have to learn?" But I am glad they do not ask me that burning question, because I would not know how to anwser that either.
I am not saying this because something happened to me. I am simply placing a concern of mine on the table. We are so busy trying to look out for us, we fuck up other people's lives, hearts, and souls. It's simply not fair. I realize that life isn't fair, but at a certain point, we need to start taking some responsibility for our own behavior. Even if it's as simple as letting people know our intentions before we get involved. That's a step. I am not saying that everyone needs to be in a relationship. I realize people out there just want to bone or have "friends with benefits". But understand that you are in that space. And if you decide to get involved with someone, let them know that space you occupy. I am saying that you need to know what you want first before getting involved with someone else. It's so simple. Ironically, people do not do it. All I am saying is: check yourself first. Because if you don't, you will more than likely end up hurting someone else who didn't deserve it.
In other words, leave the good people alone! Let them go through life without meeting you and your disfunctional self. I am pretty sure they would rather enjoy themselves alone than be bothered with your destructiveness. If you are bored or lonley, then take up a hobby, buy a dog, volunteer somewhere, or buy a "toy". But do not suck other people into your hole of doom. That way you don't end up hurting a genuine person, who only wants to love and be loved in return. I just hate seeing great people hurt. I am sick and tired of the way we are dating each other. When our parents dated back in the day, I highly doubt it was as horrible as it is now. (Perhaps it's because they did not have all the technology that we have now. With our BBM's, text messaging, Facebooking, Yahooing, IMing, etc. God forbid, they actually had to TALK. But I digreess...)We walk around destroying each other...without even knowing it. And that is the sad part in all of it. Somehow we end up walking around with someone else's "stuff"...and we don't even know what to do with it.
We need to do better. We need to stop hurting each other in order to heal ourselves. We need to start being honest with ourselves about what we want and who we want. Instead of beating around the bush, be honest with other people. If you have no intention of something happening with that person, then leave them alone. Leave room for the right man/woman to come into their lives. Perhaps this will allow them to openly embrace new situations instead of fearing them. Honesty with ourselves and honesty with others is the key to our salvation. The dating process is grueling and frustrating on it's own without insensitive people getting involved. So if you are out there, not knowing why the hell you keep hurting other people, why don't you take a look in the mirror? Then, quietly remove yourself from the situation(s) immediately. If you are a good person, who only wants love, then you will get what you deserve and then some. I can't say when or how, but I have faith that it will happen to you. And everyone who hurt you will just sit in envy as you sit in relationship bliss. But for now, as hard as it may be, try to keep your head up. Continue to live your life as if those individuals never entered into your life. Don't take it out on the next person. Continue to love hard, live freely, and remain honest with yourself as well as others.
Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. :)
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