The Plight of the Single Woman

For the past few weeks, I've been in a funk. I just got out of it, but before this week, I was a little "eh".  I have no idea where the icky feelings came from, but for about 2 weeks, I was in an emotional slump I was desperately trying to get out of. Of course, I could blame it on the death of my grandfather, who passed away a few weeks ago. (RIP James Canty, Sr.) Maybe it was the amount of school work that was starting to pile up, causing me to be sleep deprived. Perhaps it was all the added advertising and hype over Single's Awareness Day. (I've always hated Valentines Day. Always have and I probably always will.) Maybe I just needed to have some fun for a little bit. Whatever it was, I was simply "in a way." And I could not explain to you why. 

Yet, in my distress, people thought that it was ONLY Valentine's Day that put me in such a funk. Not just ONE person, but SEVERAL people. While I told them that was not the case, I still had a sneaking suspicion that they did not believe me. Perhaps that's what all single women say? I'm not sure. However, people always have so many assumptions about single women. Our plight is the fact that we will always have a scarlet "S" written on our foreheads. So, of course, when a single woman is in a bad mood, it MUST be associated with her martial status. Yes, of course. (If you did not catch it, that was sarcasm.) 

Hence the plight of the single woman. We always are told what to do, how we should do it, and why we haven't done what we were told to do. Constantly people ask why someone "as beautiful and intelligent as you" is not attached? You are making a few assumptions by making this comment. First, you assume that this is MY fault. You didn't say it, but the inference is there. Second, the assumption is that I DID NOT CHOOSE this lifestyle. Third, one makes the assumption that being single is so dreadful that they cannot fathom the idea of someone like you being single. Well, let me clear up the air  for those of you out there who would not hesitate to ask this question. So, BEFORE you ask this question to a single woman, let me just school you a little bit:

1. Sometimes being single IS a choice. 

2. Being single is NOT a sin.

3. Ugly women are not the only single population out there. 

4. It's possible to be single AND happy. 

5. Single women HATE this question. 

And the single woman's plight continues. Just like there is ignorance associated with racism, sexism, and classism (all the "isms"), I believe there is just as much ignorance out there dealing with single women. What I find interesting is no one probes single men about these things. I suppose the assumption is that they are single by choice, not questions asked. However, the single women get questions as if their lifestyles are foreign. Yes, that's what I call a catch-22. Well, let me be the first one to inform you something single women may not want to say out loud: "WE ARE FINE". Yes, we are FINE. I promise you we are not crying every night watching "The Notebook." (Thought I do admit, that movie does bring out the closet hopeless romantic in me.) Also, we are not pillaging away trying to find someone. We live lives just like everyone else. We go to school, work, church, gym, dinner. We eat, sleep, and take out the garbage. Like I said, we are fine. 

I know what many of you are thinking, "fine doesn't mean happy." You would be absolutely right. However, in this case, fine IS happy. For me, I can say that being completely single is a sense of freedom. That's the part that other people do not understand. To be honest, when dating someone, I was always concerned about what I was going on in the relationship while neglecting some aspects of myself. I never COMPLETELY neglected myself. Oh, no. My mother taught me better then that. Yet, my thoughts revolved around issues within our relationship and less about what Jayme wanted for Jayme. I realize how relaxed I am in this free place. It is not a curse, but a gift that has been given to me. Now I'm realizing that a lot of things have suffered because I was too busy pleasing someone who was not sure  they even wanted to be with me. Yes, believe it or not. I get turned down too. And honestly, being indirectly told that you are not worthy enough for me to work to be in a real relationship with you does take a toll on your emotions. So sometimes the single status allows you the opportunity to heal your wounds. No ladies, do not do a Jasmine Sullivan and bust the windows in his car. Simply walk away gracefully and go about healing yourself. 

However, folks on the outside always want to tell you how depressed and worried you should be. The plight of the black woman is this: people misinterpreting who we are. People always make assumptions about who we are without taking a closer look into our lives to realize that a lot of us are actually quite happy. Of course, there are some lonely moments of vulnerability. But, I realize I would rather be patient for the right man to come (or reenter) my life than fall into any random situation just for companionship that will only last a season. In the meantime, there's nothing that says that you cannot being happy with yourself until that person decides to come.