Dismal & Bleek

I had a dream about you the other night
Actually,
I have had many dreams about you
Though I wish I didn't...
Because it reminds me
what I will never have with you.

In my dreams, you are loving me
and I am loving the hell out of you
you are telling and
showing me how much I mean to you
and I am receiving it with open arms
my arms that became
your place of comfort and joy
they were a place of refuge
yet, only in my dreams...

In my dreams you
smiled and kissed me
with so much passion
I almost forgot
to breath
while we were in our own world
you told me
I was the one
the only one

I met your friends
in my dreams
some men, some women
brotha's and sistahs
who shared my love for you
they thought we were good for each other
perfect even

One wanted me
so bad
but you let him know
that you belonged to me
and i belonged to you
you informed him
how he could never have
my heart
because you wanted it
and you wanted me
to have yours

In another dream,
we had our own life together
starting a life
one we dedicated
to one another
we would invite people over
we would clean our place
touching, flirting, and kissing
while cleaning floors, tables, and dishes
we even had a fight one time
that ended with
sweet tears
and sweet lovin'

I supress all these feelings
hoping they would leave
temporarily
or at least that
i wouldn't feel that way anymore
but in my dreams
those sweet dreams
you appear
you become an image of love
and all those feelings manifest
only in my dreams
you seem to come alive
in my dreams
just so i can love you
the way i want to love you

Because I love a man
who doesn't love me
at least not as much
as I love him
I fall for the tough guy
who wants to remain free
yet, in my dreams
you are the same guy
but you are loving me
instead of pushing me away
you are holding me close
instead of dismissing me

My dreams are full of joy
fulfilled promises
pure happiness
overwhelming passion
because you are in them
you are all the things
I wish you were
and then some
Yet, I wake up....

I wake up to the dismal
sad
pathetic
bleek
gloomy reality
when I reach out in my bed
for you
and realize
you are not there

The dream felt so real
so real
that i felt your breath against my neck
your kisses on my lips
your fingertips touching my bare skin
even the smell of your cologne
on your neck

Yet, I still wake up
and see the truth
the only thing I want to do
is return to my dreams
where you are lovin me,
and i'm lovin you
where i am the one for you
and you are the one for me
where we are unafraid
to be vulnerable with each other

But for now
I remain in reality
where i continue to act
like i don't care
where i remain strong
where i remain realistic
where my logic reigns over my heart

I remain in this
sad
pathetic place
that is dismal and bleek